There’s a baby in my belly.
Yup. I am WITH CHILD. Have been WITH CHILD about 10 weeks.
My family’s world is changing.
Our daughter (The Girl) is 11 and she’s been an only child the whole time. This is a total game changer for her. Even though she’s excited, and I know she’ll be a great big sister, she’s still understandably nervous. Will the baby take all the attention? Will she get to still pile into bed for a family reading/cuddle time? Will she still be just as special to us? It all makes her a bit apprehensive, but she’s dealing with it like a champ. There are a lot more hugs and kisses for her recently. We love her so, so, SO much! She’s going to be just as precious and loved as ever after the baby comes, but I would be lying if I said her role in our family won’t change. Poor kid. Change is hard for her. There’s been a lot of it the past few years.
The Husband has been working like crazy trying to finish a project that will bring in a substantial amount of moolah–enough that we can get someone to tile our bedrooms and hallway downstairs. (We’re currently living on concrete with divots and stains downstairs. It looks horrible, but it’s better than the carpet-that-smelled-like-gross-dirty-dogs we had before the pipe in the ceiling broke and flooded the basement. I’ll take ugly over stinky any day of the week.) Maybe we’ll sell the house and buy one closer to town. Maybe we’ll stay here and build more on our property. Maybe we’ll move closer to town but keep this place. Not sure yet. But we could really use some more room. We have two bedrooms, 1.5 baths (shower, but no tub), and a beautiful location. The Husband has also been setting some of his earnings aside specifically for a down payment. This housing thing means even more change for all of us.
It’s been a long time since we’ve had a baby. Last time we did, I was on that stupid medication. I don’t remember a whole lot. I’ll have to relearn almost everything. Throw in the ability to feed the baby myself (not using formula), which I didn’t even have the option of doing the first time, and I’m in a state of learning overload. Good thing I have friends I trust who can give me advice.
This may just be the hormones talking, but…
I just started learning violin this year. I’ve been enjoying it and making decent progress. What’s going to happen with that?! I thought I was supposed to start doing stuff with music again. Now what’s going to happen??? I gave up music before, when I had The Girl. I’ve had little stints of involvement here and there, but nothing too major. I feel … … …. un-whole. A little hurt. Confused. Worn thin (you know, like butter scraped over too much bread). Lost. Alone. What’s God doing in all of this? If He didn’t want me to do music stuff, why did He give me ability in it and crazy-big enjoyment of it? I don’t get it. I mean, I don’t think I’ll be the next Yo-Yo Ma of strings or anything. I have no wild expectations–I’d like to play in some home-town groups, play at church, and teach lessons. That’s not too crazy, right? The Husband still wants me to take lessons and practice. He says a new baby doesn’t have to mean that I have to stop making music. But I’m not so sure. For a homeschooling mom who lives in the middle of nowhere (45 minutes to town) it feels like the end of music. Again. And my heart is breaking.
So here are ten simple things I’m thankful for to amend my attitude.
1. winter weather (finally!)
3. a warm fire in the woodstove
4. hard-working husband who is a good listener
5. Lucy, my 14-year-old dog who is fuzzy and is also a good listener
6. The Girl and being able to share in this becoming-a-big-sister experience
7. good insurance (thanks to The Husband’s foresight)
8. kalamata olives and lima beans (first trimester cravings have been weird)
10. ginger candy (which keeps saving me from having icky moments in public)